Family – Work – Aikido

Kathy Stier, Green River Aikido 

I had only been training for two months when I was first introduced to Chiba Sensei. My teachers, Paul Sylvain and Lorraine DiAnne, had just opened their own dojo after studying with him in Japan for several years. Our dojo, Amherst Aikikai, was the host dojo for the upcoming USAF Summer camp at Hampshire College. I was a second year graduate student at the University of Massachusetts Amherst and Aikido fascinated me; it challenged me both physically and mentally. It was addicting and I couldn’t seem to get enough. Balancing aikido with graduate school was doable and we had so many members in our dojo who, like me, were in their twenties and hungry to learn from inspirational teachers. 

It was August, 1981 and as students, we had the responsibility to make sure that all three Shihan, Yamada Sensei, Kanai Sensei, and Chiba Sensei, were taken care of. I remember preparing their rooms and filling water in vases overflowing with local cut wildflowers while listening to the Moody Blues, totally oblivious to what I was about to experience. Dave (Stier) was testing for his shodan at this camp and he had additional pressure being Paul and Lorraine’s most senior student. Since we had just started seeing each other, I tagged along to many of the “sensei parties” at night and I was introduced to their unique personalities. Not surprisingly, their evening faces were very different than what I witnessed on the mat. Chiba Sensei was very intense, and I was nervous because I was so new to all of it. I did not want to bring attention to myself. One class when I was working with my teacher, Paul, Sensei approached us, I believe he recognized me and asked me what rank I had. At first, I thought it was a trick question because I assumed he knew I had just started. He was waiting and I said, “I do not have any rank, Sensei.” He quickly turned towards my teacher and said, “What is wrong with you?” and abruptly walked away. I was embarrassed but also knew it was meant to be a compliment. Paul turned to me and said, “You’ll be testing next month.”

Just a couple of years after that first summer camp, Dave and I were married and worked multiple jobs as we tried to save enough money for a downpayment on a house. To add to the challenge of training, I was pregnant, and we were living about 45 minutes from the dojo. Weekend practice was easier than during the week, when there was little free time for anything. I vowed that I would train throughout my pregnancy, and I remember I was about 6 months pregnant when I attended a seminar with Chiba Sensei. It was a weapon’s class, and he was using bokken against jo, something we rarely practiced. He called me up. I didn’t move, clearly he wanted someone else. No, it was me. I slowly got up and bowed and started the attack. I was very nervous, and he was asking me to correct my footwork, but I could not understand how exactly it was he wanted my feet to move. I kept repeating my mistake and he gave me a couple more tries before sitting me down and calling up a more reliable uke. I realized that he called me up because he was encouraging me, proud that I was not letting my pregnancy interfere with my training.

At just over a month old, baby Jessica was brought to the dojo along with her portable crib and toys. With both of us wanting to train, we decided it was easier to bring her along. It is not easy to raise a family and continue training but “when there’s a will there’s a way”. Chiba Sensei got a chance to watch all three girls grow up. We have some fond memories of USAF camps where all the training parents would bring along their children. The kids would work on their talent show skits that would be part of the party on the last night of camp. Chiba Sensei had the best “belly laugh” and would be so happy seeing the kids performing. All three Shihans, Yamada, Kanai and Chiba Sensei, revealed a gentler side that we all found endearing. Our daughters had a unique relationship with each of them and enjoyed being on the mat at those camps, often getting special attention.

Abruptly, everything changed on a horrific night in May when our teacher, Paul and his two year old daughter, Chloe, were in a fatal car crash. Because they were close in age, our youngest daughter, Melanie, used to frequently play with Chloe. We were all devastated. Shortly after, Chiba Sensei came to meet with the four of us. He immediately promoted Dave and Larry Levitt to shidoin and Julia Freedgood (Paul’s wife) and me to fukushidoin. We were now to become the instructors of our dojo. I also remember him saying that he knew we all had full-time jobs, families, and so many other things going on in our life. He said, “you must remember the order of your roles to keep balance: Family, Work and Aikido, in that order.” I was not expecting any of this, but it was all so clear to him. 

Sensei came to visit us many times after Paul’s death. He seemed to carve out time during his visits to say hello to our girls and would sometimes bring small gifts. I remember they would each be wrapped in a small square cloth; the girls would be excited to see what he brought. I often wonder if he had a special store in San Diego where he’d frequent to find these gifts. With all that he had going on in his life, it was remarkable to me that he took time for this tender gesture. Sometime later, I purchased a small wall cabinet to put these little gifts, and we mounted it on our hallway wall. Occasionally, when I walk past, I’ll take a moment to think of the man that was so thoughtful and feel grateful for all he gave to me over the years.