Ea Murphy, Chief Instructor Tacoma Aikikai
Trigger warning: some parts of this article deal with sexual abuse and may be difficult to read.
MeTooAikido rocked the global Aikido community when Neilufar Naini Sensei courageously made her story public in the Spring of 2021. There it was – an atrocity that we could not ignore. Along with horror and grief, I also felt responsibility. Had I accepted a culture that could allow or even cultivate this type of abuse? Had we collectively ignored warning signs? Are we continuing to do so?
Some relief came at the end of the webpage, when MeTooAikido presented three specific calls to action: sign the MeTooAikido pledge, implement a Code of Conduct policy, and get sexual misconduct training with an organization like SafeSport USA. Here were a few practical actions that we could take. Thus, despite having long been on the list of things our young dojo should accomplish, writing a Code of Conduct became an urgent priority.
Fast forward to the easing of Covid restrictions and Tacoma Aikikai’s first annual All-Dojo Meeting. A member-driven Ethics Committee was created, and in January 2023, we set forth to investigate what a Code of Conduct policy meant for our dojo.
Shortly after we started working, another dojo tragedy came to light, when at first six, then eight survivors charged an assistant instructor at a local jujutsu school with 13 counts of rape and sexual abuse. The abuse and grooming, of kids ages 7-17, took place for over a decade and occurred mainly at dojo events and activities. The story was devastating, and the dojo response appalling. The alleged perpetrator was simply photoshopped out of website photos, while the chief instructor told the press that the whole incident “wasn’t fair”. After the accused committed suicide awaiting trial, the dojo now faces a liability suit from the survivors for their negligence.
One out of four and one out of six. These statistics from a 2005 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study had haunted me for decades: one out of four girls and one out of six boys will experience sexual abuse before the age of 18. Although estimates vary, with another recent study finding 1 out of 10 youth are sexually abused, the magnitude of the horror is shocking, particularly considering how often the abuse goes unreported. Youth sports is an area of particular risk, and The Foundation for Global Sports Development conservatively estimates that between 2-20% of young athletes experience sexual abuse or harassment.
The joy of sharing Aikido and the dream of starting my own dojo were overshadowed by this reality. Having personally lived the tragedy and trauma of these life-altering statistics, I knew it was hubris to assume that people in authority would simply “know” child sexual abuse was occurring. Even more arrogant was the idea that a chief instructor, simply by their presence and authority, could prevent such horrors. And yet, from a place of extreme fear, I adopted a posture of extreme hyper vigilance, carefully monitoring every and all member interactions to make sure nothing would happen on my watch. It was exhausting, unsustainable, and ultimately, ineffective as the dojo continued to grow. MeTooAikido prompted me to learn more. If we created structures of prevention, if we talked openly about the dangers and warning signs, and if we encouraged reporting when something seemed awry, then could we all carry the burden of vigilance? Could we create a community that actively protected one another?
Over the course of a year, with these strong motivations behind us, the four Ethics Committee members met monthly to work out the nuts and bolts of defining prohibited behaviors, establishing clear and fair processes for grievances, creating protections for minors, and envisioning possible scenarios of conduct and misconduct. We were lucky to have a sister dojo’s Code of Conduct audit by RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network) to guide us in best practices. The more we researched, the more questions we had to answer. How do we make our process definable, clear, transparent, accessible, and fair? What does it mean to be victim-centered? How can we encourage reporting? Are there limits to anonymity? How can we recognize signs of child sexual abuse, and who should be required to have SafeSport training and/or background checks? Our discussions also dove deeply into the underlying culture and assumptions of our dojo. How do power dynamics, consent and communication, microaggressions, language and body language, and new student experiences shape our dojo? And how do we intentionally address these to create a proactively supportive, inclusive, and affirming space? Clearly saying that ‘this behavior’, be it racism, sexism, homophobia, gender discrimination, abuse, or other discrimination would not be tolerated, would be reportable, and would have consequences, opened the door to so many other discussions both on an individual and dojo level.
As we progressed in our conversations, these questions arose in practice as well. By talking in the Ethics Committee about incidents that made us feel squeamish, we identified patterns of behavior that needed to be addressed. In at least two cases, the Ethics Committee was able to reach out to younger and more beginner students about behaviors they experienced from other members, making plans to address them before they escalated, or as commonly happens, the person affected simply stops coming to class. We made it a point to casually discuss Code of Conduct issues with the general membership. The dojo started to develop a common and open language around trauma, abuse, and discrimination.
At the end of the year, and after a dojo member review period, we were ready to implement. As everyone in the dojo was expected to follow the Code of Conduct, we decided to require every student (or student parent/guardian) to sign the Code of Conduct Policy. With over 100 members, of all backgrounds and beliefs, I fully expected some resistance. Instead, the overwhelming response was, “Thank you”. In fact, more than a few members told me that our website Ethics Statement was the reason they chose to train at Tacoma Aikikai, and several students revealed that they had actually switched dojos and styles because of ethical issues at their prior school.
Now, when a student joins the dojo, along with showing them the bathrooms and where to take off their shoes, we also point to the Code of Conduct, talk about consent and communication, and touch on our expectations around minors. I’ve come to realize that not only does the Code of Conduct make our dojo safer, reduce our legal liability, and meet common professional standards adopted by most athletic organizations, but it is a selling point for why someone, especially a young person with so much knowledge and so many choices, would want to train at Tacoma Aikikai. Empowering our students on the mat is meaningless if they are harmed by discrimination, abuse, or sexual misconduct while training at the dojo. A clear and fair Code of Conduct, while protecting our most vulnerable members, gives equal access to the power to identify and address inequities and misconduct, protecting our communities far more than a chief instructor ever could.
Actions:
If you are a certified instructor or dojo-cho interested in learning about Code of Conducts, please consider taking part in our survey to help plan a future educational event: https://tr.ee/P4v6j6XVhX
Learn about MeTooAikido and sign the pledge: https://www.metooaikido.com/
Resources and Links:
Tacoma Aikikai’s Code of Conduct: https://tacomaaikikai.com/about/tacoma-aikikai-code-of-conduct/
SafeSport USA: https://uscenterforsafesport.org/
RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network: https://rainn.org/